Sunday, August 29, 2004
I had another of an experience which I have trouble classifying. Yesterday, I began to recall, without effort applied, the presence of a man I worked with some years ago. I liked him as a person, only knew a little about him, but as far as I could determine, he was fully capable as a scientist, w/ a Ph.D. from MN. some yrs ago. He died perhaps 10 yrs ago, & I was at another location, so I may not even have known of it at the time. His co-workrs regarded him as nuts, & he was more or less shunned, tho in a mild way. Today, I would guess he had sustained some kind of trauma which had left him in a functional state, but only superficially. As I stated, I liked him, he was always courteous, fairly communicative, but there were topics to be avoided. He had served in the Navy in War 2, & his recollection of some of that duty was somewhat typical. He seemed to recall everything with bitterness, altho our employer had evidently treated him shabbily, arrogantly.
On the only social occasion I ever attended where he also appeared, he brought his wife, whom no one knew or to my knowledge had ever associated with. I remember she wore an expression of someone who had witnessed something horrible. I guess I will always remember that expression. Some yrs later, she hung herself from the limb of a tree in the front yd. as the kids were coming home in the afternoon& being dropped off by the school bus.
But the incident I began with, was the involuntary recollection of this man. He always treated me with courtesy & respect, & as I stated, I accepted him on differnt terms than our co-workers. They gossiped about him behind his back, ignored him or avoided him. But in the past day or so, I wondered why I was remembering him, a collection of images coming back uninvited.
This recollection is similar to one of a chum, a young guy so long ago, I'm pretty sure no one else is still alive that would remember him. Partly that would be because there wasn't much to remember. It would have been about in 7th or 8th grade, at a guess. I remember him as just another kid our age, perhaps just prior to War 2. I can't say I knew him v. well, just barely, but I do remember he had wispy blonde hair, a somewhat ruddy complexion, & thick glasses. I also remember the glasses always seemed smeared & needed cleaning. His name was Billy R. & thru the usual vagaries, serendipitous twists & turns, I soon lost track of him. At some time or other during the war, someone mentioned Billy R. had been killed in a car accident. No other mention of it, no details, no particular attention to it. He had been off the stage of my consciousness for so long, there seemed to be no impact whatever.
Then, about 20 yrs ago, I went out at dawn to trot around the block in the cool morning air, & looked up to see the stars. It was then I had a recollection of Billy R. I remembered how he ahd bright red lips, wet w/ spittle & sometimes you could get sprayed when he talked. But he had been dead & completely forgotten for approximately 40 years. I guess I liked Billy fine, I have no recollection to the contrary, but after that momentary recall, I later tried to compose a poem to him.
These 2 cases have had an impact on me because neither person was a dear, close friend, just someone I liked in an easy going way. But above all, the recollection of them, yrs later, uncalled for, suggests some link I cannot put my finger on.
On the only social occasion I ever attended where he also appeared, he brought his wife, whom no one knew or to my knowledge had ever associated with. I remember she wore an expression of someone who had witnessed something horrible. I guess I will always remember that expression. Some yrs later, she hung herself from the limb of a tree in the front yd. as the kids were coming home in the afternoon& being dropped off by the school bus.
But the incident I began with, was the involuntary recollection of this man. He always treated me with courtesy & respect, & as I stated, I accepted him on differnt terms than our co-workers. They gossiped about him behind his back, ignored him or avoided him. But in the past day or so, I wondered why I was remembering him, a collection of images coming back uninvited.
This recollection is similar to one of a chum, a young guy so long ago, I'm pretty sure no one else is still alive that would remember him. Partly that would be because there wasn't much to remember. It would have been about in 7th or 8th grade, at a guess. I remember him as just another kid our age, perhaps just prior to War 2. I can't say I knew him v. well, just barely, but I do remember he had wispy blonde hair, a somewhat ruddy complexion, & thick glasses. I also remember the glasses always seemed smeared & needed cleaning. His name was Billy R. & thru the usual vagaries, serendipitous twists & turns, I soon lost track of him. At some time or other during the war, someone mentioned Billy R. had been killed in a car accident. No other mention of it, no details, no particular attention to it. He had been off the stage of my consciousness for so long, there seemed to be no impact whatever.
Then, about 20 yrs ago, I went out at dawn to trot around the block in the cool morning air, & looked up to see the stars. It was then I had a recollection of Billy R. I remembered how he ahd bright red lips, wet w/ spittle & sometimes you could get sprayed when he talked. But he had been dead & completely forgotten for approximately 40 years. I guess I liked Billy fine, I have no recollection to the contrary, but after that momentary recall, I later tried to compose a poem to him.
These 2 cases have had an impact on me because neither person was a dear, close friend, just someone I liked in an easy going way. But above all, the recollection of them, yrs later, uncalled for, suggests some link I cannot put my finger on.
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